Posted by: Nice Melons | November 25, 2008

So, hmmmm….

Well, it’s been one of those nights… just one of those fabulous flights.

Well, not really… well, maybe really.

Yoga class tonight after a hellaciously busy day at work.

It’s weird… one of the major things I’ve noticed about being so busy during the day that I can’t even manage to find my ass with both hands is that there is ZERO chance of navel contemplation.  Go go go all day long with not much time to reflect… to process… to relate what you are doing with your path.  Sometimes it’s good to be busy, though.

Much different than the music business, in other words.

But, again, not really, since I worked in the studio with a bunch of cynical mofos that didn’t know that they were seriously fortunate to do what they loved for a living, natch. Sheesh!

So… ANYWAY…

Hmmm…

I am struggling with my feelings when I am at my quietest times. After yoga and before bed. It’s got nothing to do with the monkey-mind, it’s my innermost heart that keeps me awake. Egad. It’s kind of alarming and so sad. Usually I’ve been able to address everything with my yoga practice and meditation and get myself back on track… not so in this case. I don’t know what else to do except try to get it out of my system. I’m usually OK but about this time every night I struggle so very much. It’s hard. Incredibly hard…

I love the Melon Girl, and I know who she is and also who she can be… but this relationship has left me totally shattered and questioning everything… the mess I’m trying to undo and the person I want to become. Om mani padme hum!


Responses

  1. Just know, my thoughts are with you. I know you’ll be able to pull yourself right back up. You’re Melons!

  2. Thanks, sweetie. Things are complicated right now and that’s not the way I like it. I mean, some things are ALWAYS complicated but love shouldn’t be one of those things. That’s how I see it, anyway.

  3. Love means dealing with other people, and other people are complicated. Even when they’re part of our heart, and we are part of theirs, they’re complicated.

    Sometimes I think that it would be good if we could just accept that we don’t have to understand. We have to observe, we have to try and form a hypothesis to act on, we have to be respectful, we have to be appreciative — we don’t have to understand. Understanding is a bonus, when we have it.


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