Posted by: Nice Melons | November 1, 2008

Lost and Found, Part II

Hello, my peeps.  I’ve been remiss since I’ve been in the process of moving.  Lots going on.  Basically I’ve had a whole slew of crap come to the surface in my life that I have had to deal with, and dealing with it I am.

Financially, things are looking up.  I’ll be hanging at my Mom’s cool pad for a few months while I look to reinvest some of my assets in the real estate market.  Great time to buy, so I’ll take advantage.  I just know that I want to be in Central Phoenix, near to work.  She lives in Scottsdale, which is a little too insulated and, um, xenophobic as far as I’m concerned.  It’s funny, though; I think it’s just what I need right now – to get away from the norm and regroup.

So, have you ever completely lost yourself in a relationship?  To the point where you become someone that you don’t recognize?  I’m going through the process of reconnecting with myself.  You see, I became involved in something that was not, well, healthy for me in a lot of ways.  The existing relationship was in a state of, well, a mixture of denial and noncommunication to begin with, and when I began to have trust issues, I didn’t own up to what was going on – I disassembled and made shit up to set up a smoke screen of what was REALLY happening to me while I tried to fix what was wrong.  I do that, I’m “The Fixer.” It’s part of my tape.  I kind of feel like the Harvey Keitel character (Winston Wolf) in Pulp Fiction.  I like to fix other people’s problems, so much so that I create big ones for myself.  I’ve never gone to this level before, and I’m kind of scared about it, and needed to go to my happy place for a while in order to cope.  *Sigh* I am not proud of this, people…or myself at the moment.  So for now, I’m concentrating on scraping out the old melon and, once again, starting over.  It’s not an easy task, but I think I’m up for it.  I just can’t believe let it get this far without crying “UNCLE!!!”  Pretty damn embarrassing.
So, yeah, I’m an idiot.  But it’s a process, right?  You’re never done with your stuff.  You’re always learning, reflecting, contemplating your navel, whatever… and trying to learn from your past mistakes so you don’t keep getting kicked in the ass by them.  For now, I’m still cautiously optimistic about the whole thing and relationships in general.  I think that I’ll someday be able to find someone that will be in the same place as I am to start – and sure, we’ve all got that baggage – and we’ll be able to go from there and grow and learn together.  Mutual respect and trust as well as the ability to love, well, that’s what I want.  Being an equal partner, that too. Losing myself has been a hard thing, but I’m a pretty tough cookie – I’ll find myself and get there again.  It’s just going to be a bit of a hard row to hoe.  I’m up for the task, because I think that in spite of all my bullshit, I’ve got something to contribute.
So, that’s what been going on with me.  I’ve returned to yoga (that was another issue – I was so wrapped up and distracted that I stopped for several weeks) and I’m taking a beginning caberet belly dancing class.  I’m going to try to sing again, and return to playing my horn, which has been on the shelf for a while.  See what I mean about losing myself?  Wow, I was pretty out-of-touch with Melon Girl.
Thanks to all of you who emailed me directly and stayed in touch here.  I love my blog peeps, and I will be posting more from time-to-time as I work through this latest crisis.
On another note, the job at Schwab is going PHENOMENALLY WELL!  Thank goodness for that.  I am so happy to go to work every day, it’s totally disgusting.  It’s a lot of fun.  I love my job! Yahoo!
On another note-note, don’t forget to get out on Tuesday and VOTE if you haven’t already done so!!!  I’m an Obama girl and can’t wait for the country to turn around.  It’s going to be another long process, but I feel that we need some serious fresh blood and he’s the man.  Biden is awesome as well; when I was going to graduate school in PA, I campaigned for him even though I lived in Pittsburgh.  He had just had a stroke and that’s when I learned his story… about losing his wife and daughter in a car accident just before he was to be sworn in as a senator.  He is so strong in the areas that Obama is not, and what a great choice… he’s the salt of the earth and a damn good guy.
Take care my peeps.  I’ll be by your sites to visit you soon!  And now, I leave you with the latest ha-ha of the day… but really, it’s not that funny.  It’s sad, really… for all of us.

Obama Pictures and McCain Pictures
see Sarah Palin pictures


Responses

  1. Hi Melons! Glad things are looking up!

  2. Hey, long time no check in. I kinda lost track of you during your blog hiatus when you changed jobs. Anyway, good to read you again and see you’re still working it all out. That’s all we can do, isn’t it, is just keep trying to figure it out because there will always be somethin’.

    Take care.

  3. Hey Wanda! How’s life treating you? I’ll be by soon, prolly after Turkey Day and the coma wears off, muwhahaha!!!!

  4. LB! Thanks for stopping by. You’re absolutely right… as Gilda Radner once said as the wise Roseanne-Rosanna-Danna, “it’s always SOMETHIN’. If it’s not ONE THING, it’s ANOTHER!” Ha!

    I’ll be checking in… 😉


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