Posted by: Nice Melons | June 26, 2008


Arrrrrrrrrgh!  TGIT!  I am laughing my ass off and banging my head against my desk at the same time.  You would not beeeeelieve some of the stuff that has been going on today in my own little corner of hell here at work.

…but first, here is a little bit of ICHC for ya’ll.  I loves!

more cat pictures

OK… so, here’s an example of the clusterf*ckedness (yeah, I know that’s not a word) of working in government.

Rewind to a year and a half ago.  There was a directive to do something with pictures of certain items that our division produces a LOT of.  We needed digital images, which shouldn’t be a problem since they are digitally produced.  The vendor has the pictures, but sends them to the agency that produces the actual product (not ours) although we are in charge of regulating these items.  It’s a long story on that… but trying to get two agencies to work together is even more unlikely than finding any weapons of mass destruction in my purse (except maybe for that weird hairbrush). 

Anyhoo, this other agency keeps screwing up the files, because they’re, well, re-re.  We need to edit these files since the other agency keeps putting the wrong stuff on there – they simply don’t understand the format.  We’ve been going back-and-forth on this issue for-freakin’-EVER.  We’ve got a deadline approaching, and we’re still missing some of these files.. and no one seems to know how many.

Mind you, they’ve got more than half of my entire program working on something I could do in about a few hours.  By. Myself.  Sweet Buddha!

Fast forward to yesterday.  I am off-site working at another location (yet another clusterf*ck), and my boss calls me wanting to know if I know Photoshop.  Before I could stop myself, I say, “sure, why?”  I mean, it’s pretty easy for me since I’ve used the program for at least 9 years, one way or another (Mac and PC).  A lot of people do.  Well, the low-down was that now I was going to be tasked with the project.  Arrrgh!  Mind you, the person here who was supposed to work on these things – our “graphics” expert – does not know Photoshop.  WTF???  How can you be a “graphics expert” and not know Photoshop?

… then it dawns on me.

Some people work for the government.  Others are employed by the government.

In addition, you have to go through several layers of asking for crap from areas within your own DIVISION, let alone going to another agency.  If you don’t have a contact at the other agency, you’re basically screwed.  Even if you do have a contact, if they’re having cramps, or a bad hair day, or just don’t feel like helping you, you’re equally screwed because THEY DON’T HAVE TO HELP YOU.

I don’t do so well at these types of things.  I tend to go right to the source, which pisses those people off who need an excuse to feel important.  So, I’m not real popular… but I usually get results.  Which is why I’m often given more work to do.

So, the upshot of this whole scenario?  It turns out that out of we are only waiting for 6 out of 124 of these items in order to proceed.  For the past year, six electronic files have held up this entire project, until I asked someone why we just didn’t get the files directly from the vendor and eliminate the middleman?  You’d think I had stolen someone’s ice cream (or jacked their horsie) or something.

Well, we’ve made it so.  Officially.  It only took a year-and-a-half to complete a few hours worth of work. 

*Sigh* I really need to learn how to eff things up more often. 



  1. Oh, the joys of working for the government. Yay bureaucracy!

    Some days (mostly lately) I am one of those employed by the guhment, as opposed to working for the guhment. You know, since I give zero effort anymore. I might have to change that since “they” are watching….

    Jacking little spoiled rich kids horsies FTW! That brat doesn’t need it. I do

  2. Alos, why are two people looking for “cnn ‘nice Melons'” and ending up on my blog? Is it “them”? And did you do something I should know about?

  3. Ok, government work = bad. I’ll remember that.


  4. If I ruled the world stupid people would be in prison. Holler.

    Oh, and Nice Melons saving the day FTW!!!

  5. Jennifer, Ahhhh. I see. That was HI-larious. But it would have been better if the guy said it

  6. Totally with Anners. There should be jails for the stupid. I’m not saying they should be inhumane — they should provide the basics, like pants with dumb slogans on the ass, and salons where mullets and rat-tails are available, and Adam Sandler/Rob Schneider movies every Saturday night, to keep them out of the rest of our theaters.

    LOVE the pic — reminds me of a book Little Fluffy Cat turned me onto, “Dharma the Cat.” I don’t think anyone but Amazon has it — it’s very cute. (In a good way.)

  7. OMG, Jennifer, that was freakin’ hilarious. I laughed so hard, I think I peed a little.

    Daners… you of all people should know what a subversive I am. Heh. I wouldn’t worry too much about “them” watching you, though. No one has any money to pay for surveillance these days… and they’d just see me playing fetch with Opie… or sleeping.

    Anners, most of my co-workers would be in jail, but based on Tigereye’s suggestions, they’d love it there and would never want to leave.

    I’ll have to check out Dharma the Cat. Hee!

  8. You have been tagged Melons! It’s a music tag, so it’s somethin’ new 🙂 Check my blob for details. Yes, my blob 😉

  9. Hee! Okie doke. I listen to some weird sh*t.

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