Posted by: Nice Melons | May 20, 2008

Cat Haiku

Here are some of my favorite cat haikus.  I think that is the proper plural term, but if not, sue me.  Heh.

Cat Haiku #1
The food in my bowl
Is old, and more to the point
Contains no tuna.

Tiny can, dumped in
Plastic bowl. Presentation,
One star; service, none.

My brain: walnut sized.
Yours: largest among primates.
Yet, who leaves for work?

So you want to play.
Will I claw at dancing string?
Your ankle’s closer.

Am I in your way?
You seem to have this backwards.
This pillow’s taken.

There’s no dignity
In being sick–which is why
I don’t tell you where.

Seeking solitude
I am locked in the closet.
For once I need you.

Your mouth is moving,
Up and down, emitting noise.
I’ve lost interest.

The dog wags his tail,
Seeking approval. See mine?
Different message.

Cats can’t steal the breath
Of children. But if my tail’s
Pulled again, I’ll learn.

Most problems can be
Ignored. The more difficult
Ones can be slept through.

My affection is conditional.
Don’t stand up,
It’s your lap I love.

I don’t mind being
Teased, any more than you mind
A skin graft or two.

So you call this thing
Your “cat carrier.” I call
These my “blades of death.”

Toy mice, dancing yarn,
Meowing sounds. I’m convinced
You’re an idiot.

Cat Haiku #2
You never feed me.
Perhaps I’ll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
Elevator butt.

I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! good dog! good dog!

The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
Cat vomit hairball somewhere
Will find in morning

Grace personified,
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Blur of motion, then —
Silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds —
Your foot just squashed one

You’re always typing.
Well, let’s see you ignore my
Sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
Can just hide my head.

Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What’s a ‘term paper’?

Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Don’t leave tarp around

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner

Want to trim my claws?
Don’t even think about it!
My yelps will wake dead.

I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, shit! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren’t that sharp …

Cats meow out of angst
“Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!”

Litter box not here
You must have moved it again
I’ll crap in the sink.

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for “Cup Hockey.”

We’re almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt?

Source

 

 


Responses

  1. Ha, these are hilarious 🙂


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