Posted by: Nice Melons | March 27, 2008

I’m ready for further punishment; or, what I’ve learned so far

I wasn’t looking and was fine with being single.  I enjoy my own company.  Hell, if I don’t enjoy me, who else is going to?

Well, apparently the dharma wheel has turned a bit and my life is suddenly, well, changed is the best way to put it.  I have got to write about it in order to keep myself more tethered to this earth.  Yoga does too, but it also helps me tread lightly at the same time, if that makes any sense.

Life in Hell - Your Guide to Modern Love

Now, I’ve babbled on about my dysfunctional upbringing (*yawn*) on numerous occasions.  I did grow up with an excellent example of an unhealthy relationship… and learned that people who said they loved one another did horrible things to each other.  WTF? HOWEVER, upon my escape from home, I began to see that relationships weren’t all like that, although I did and continue to struggle with reconciling what I had learned as a child with the actual dating and relationship ritual.  The good thing about this is that I got to know myself pretty damn well.  The bad thing is that I identified I had a “problem” (notice I put that in quotes) that seemed to be a major deterrent to dating – intelligence. Uh oh.  In addition, I am quirky, opinionated, independent, sarcastic, passionate, and insane.  However, I’ve also learned that not everyone thinks these traits are necessarily bad.

Here’s what I think I’ve learned about this kind of stuff so far from my standpoint.  Contributions are always welcome.  Feel free to chime in.

You’ve got to love yourself… a lot.  No one else is going to want to if you don’t.  It’s not a perfect love, meaning, you know you have your stuff to work on like everyone – but the point is that you are working on it.  Be gentle and kind to yourself while you are. 

You’ve got to be willing to give of yourself and be in a position to do so.  I think loving yourself puts yourself in the right place to be able to reciprocate. Being in a position to do so has more to with being a grown-up.  That’s one of my challenges – I am still a child in some ways…  like, being patient.

Relationships and the way they work seem at the same time simple and multi-faceted.  Chemistry, well, that’s pretty simple.  Either someone blows your skirt up or they don’t – and you can’t fake this. For me, it’s hard to cultivate… some people can do that but if I have to work at chemistry with someone, it feels contrived and artificial.  I have not experienced much instant chemistry in my life in regards to intimate relationships… but I have been fortunate enough to experience it many many MANY times in music.  Yow!  The day-to-day part of the relationship, well… I am still the novice there, having only a few LT relationships in my life.  I’ll expand on that near the end.

Working on your stuff is really important.  Really important.  One of the major reasons I decided to return to guided yoga practice for the first time in a few years was to work on all my little quirks I don’t like.  I also need to practice detachment and controlling my physical reactions – I am a very, very emotional person (yeah, it’s the artistic temperament, ha) and although I can maintain a poker face, I struggle to keep the filter in place during stress or, uh, emotional moments.  Again, I feel yoga is the answer.  Just the breathing portion of the ritual is enough to calm me down a bit – and I’ve noticed I’ve been holding my breath a lot lately.  Someone was trying to get me into another martial arts class as well and I thought, you know… that is not a direction I need to go right now!  I could just imagine me opening up a can of whoop-ass on a state legislator…. well, that’s one way to wind up on the 6:00 news.

So, going back to the day-to-day portion of the relationship… as I indicated, I am still a novice. However, that being said, I think it’s important that both parties involved should grow together.  If you don’t respect and appreciate one another, well, what is the point?  I’ve always wanted a true partnership with someone – and I’ve noticed that to grow together, it helps to be in the same place when you start.  Simpatico.  

Or, maybe I don’t know what the HELL I’m talking about. Nuts.


  1. … you have your stuff to work on like everyone – but the point is that you are working on it. Be gentle and kind to yourself while you are.

    I liked this part, in particular.

  2. Thanks. I have to remind myself of that daily.

    I had another burst of one topic in particular – the old take care of your innermost heart and be careful who you give that to. That will be there in a day or so. 😉

  3. […] for me to feel like this about anyone.  If you check out some of my earlier posts, like this one, and maybe this one, you’ll see what I […]

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