Posted by: Nice Melons | November 5, 2007

Someone’s got a case of the Mondays!

Well, I’m about to jump out a window, but since I work for State government, they’re all nailed shut.   No mystery as to why they did that, huh?

Once again, I ran out of weekend a day early.  Oh, for a 4-day work-week.  There is a huge initiative from the Governor’s Office for State employees within Maricopa county to work at home one day per week.  Unfortunately, our group has one problem child that ruins it for everyone, so we only get to telecommute one day per month if we’re lucky. 

We all write bureaucratic stuff for the Division here, so it is very easy to work at home.  Plus most of us are often at least twice as productive.  I know that I get through my workload a bit faster since I’m not constantly seeking ways to block out the problem child, who sits in the cubicle next to mine. Oh, joy.  It is an everyday challenge here to practice that compassionate nature, especially when I had to put up with this woman’s crap all day, every day.

So, what exactly does she do?  In regards to actual work, she does next to nothing.  Here’s the short list of offenses, and I do mean it’s a short one… a mere snapshot, as it were. 

  1. She chain smokes.  We’re allowed to have two ten-minute breaks – one in the morning and afternoon, and then an hour for lunch.  She, on the other hand, is gone every 10 minutes to smoke a cigarette or two.  Now, I don’t have anything against smokers, but I’m sorry… she does this constantly, even in meetings.  She will be in the middle of a discussion and will get up and leave.  The meeting will grind to a halt while we wait for her return – which will be from either 10 minutes to NEVER. 
  2. Since she chain smokes, she coughs all day long.  I need to wear my headphones with the music turned up ALL THE WAY just to block it out.  By the end of the day I have a lovely headache.  At the same time she coughs, she complains about her asthma, and I’m like… hello???  The clue phone, it rings just for you.
  3. Why has she destroyed our ability to telecommute?  Several reasons…  she drinks from the morning through the evening that she is telecommuting.  As in… alcohol.   She either hangs out in email all day, sending irascible and incoherant messages to us all, just so she can “prove” that she is online and working.  Emails are never really work-related; indeed, she once contacted the entire department to ask us how to cut a fresh pineapple.  WTF?
  4. There are three laptops that our unit shares when we are able to telecommute.  We’re also supposed to be able to take them to meetings.  They are property of the State.  Well, she has commandeered one of the laptops for her personal use at home so the rest of us have to make do with the two remaining.  It never makes it back to the office so it never gets updated for viruses, etc, so it’s just a matter of time before it crashes. 
  5. Personal phone calls.   She’s on the cell phone and the work phone conducting personal business all day long and we all get to hear about it.  These calls relate to anything from her son beating up another kid AGAIN and his subsequent suspensions to collection agencies to… you name it.  We’ve heard it all.
  6. Stealing.  From your lunch to your prescription drugs, you’d better hide it from her.  When I injured my back in an auto accident and returned to work, my muscle relaxers that I had in my pillbox disappeared within a two-hour period.  There were enough in there for two days… and they weren’t exactly in a pill bottle that was marked “Flexeril.”  She would have to know what they looked like to know what they were.
  7. Always plays the victim card, even when her hand is caught in the cookie jar. 

So, she’s the employee from hell.  We can only hope that someone else hires her so we can get rid of her that way.  Unfortunately, everyone who interviews her either already knows her or picks up on it in about 6 seconds, even here in State government.  

…and no, I am not exaggerating about her behavior.  I’m not sure why she’s still here, other than she must give fantastic head.  I too give fantastic head, I’m just picky… and I don’t need to utilize that skill to keep my job.  Oh hey, that just gave me an idea – maybe I can give someone really fantastic head if they promise to FIRE her?!?  I wonder if that would work?  Hmmm…

Meanwhile, Monday never ends here.  It’s perpetuated five days out of the week when she is here.  I have got to get out of this job.

Milton’s Red Swingline Stapler

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