Posted by: Nice Melons | September 9, 2007

Leaf-blowers and dog shit

I hate leaf-blowers. Really.Hate.Them. They are fucking evil.

I especially dislike them prior to 8:00 AM on a weekend morning, and for some reason, this is when my neighbor likes to use his. No matter how many times we’ve discussed this, he insists on being a total asshole.

I understand that it gets hot here in the summer, and that people want to get these things done before it gets unbearable. That being said, what’s wrong with a rake and a bag? It isn’t noisy, and it doesn’t blow all the shit from your yard into everyone else’s yard. It just requires a little more effort on your part, and that’s got to do with being a good neighbor, something that has gone to shit in many areas of the country, including mine.

So what is with that, people? It’s the “screw you, I’ve got my shit done” at the expense of everyone else’s sanity. That sense of entitlement is beyond me, which is probably why I’m constantly struggling to make it in the world. If I didn’t give a shit about other people, I’d probably be a lot further down the road of life that I’d like to be traveling on. But then again, I wouldn’t like myself very much.

I like to think that I’m pretty enlightened. I’m aware, sometimes overly, about how my actions could potentially help or harm others on any given day. I feel that I am considerate. When others are in need, I come to their aid, even if I don’t know them. That has gotten me into trouble in the past, so now I limit my acts of random kindnesses to those who won’t sue me or try to take advantage of me (read: I help someone by giving them water on a 118 degree day and then they bring all their friends over uninvited to sleep in my yard where one of them hurts himself because he’s been caught in the act of defecating on my [other] neighbor’s lawn and is bitten on his bare ass by the dog and then tries to sue us).


Another case in point: Dog shit.

My neighbor and her dog; this dog is not the ass-biter. I absolutely love this dog. She is so cool, friendly, and sweet. I know this because she is always, always outside, even on the triple digit days here in Phoenix. True, she has access to a garage… a hot, stuffy garage. She’s not a young-un, either, probably close to 10 years old. Anywhoo, she’s a yellow lab mix and I am a total sucker for animals so my heart breaks when I hear her howling outside, wanting to be let in to be with her people or at least get out of the heat.

She’s also out at night, and she barks. Not constantly, but I’ve been woken up on several occasions. According to my neighbor, it’s a “security” reason; she will bark if anyone she doesn’t know tries to come in the yard. Yep, and she’ll be ignored by me and everyone else because she barks at people outside the yard too. She can’t help it, it’s her job, she’s a dog! She’s supposed to do this. But there isn’t much she’ll do if someone is breaking in; she’s so sweet that any thief with half a brain or less will figure that one out immediately.

Another thing, the insane amount of dog shit in the yard. The dog can’t help it, she has to go. Her person has not picked up one turd since I moved in over a year ago. She also has not spent any time with her to show her WHERE to go… or if she has, the dog goes elsewhere because that area is always covered in dog shit. Occasionally, the yard guys will do it (probably because there isn’t anywhere left to step) but hey, if you’ve got a dog – Please.Pick.Up.The.Dog.Shit… especially if it is a communal yard. I don’t make her come over and scoop my cat box. You have your own yard? GREAT! It could be waist-deep in dog shit for all I care. It’s your yard. As it currently stands, I have to keep a clear path so I can take out the trash because my neighbor doesn’t care about anyone else except herself.

Have I approached my neighbor about the dog issues? Yes. She told me she’d spend more time with her dog, which lasted for about a week. Dog shit stayed. I don’t DARE complain, ever, because I’ll get a fucking nasty email about how she and her dog lived here first, so fuck you. My point to her is that yes, I understand that but didn’t think the length of my tenancy precluded the need for a decent night’s sleep and a dog-shit free environment in which to live, walk, and breathe.

So what can you say to someone who is this asleep? My neighbors have taken to leaving piles of the poo in front of her door and she still doesn’t get it.


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